watching stars collide
by running with direwolves
Summary: You see, it's the brightest stars that go supernova, and Terra blazes brighter than anyone.
1. smother

**Warning: **Very strong language, drinking, smoking, sex references.

* * *

_i'm wasted, losing time_  
_i'm a foolish, fragile spine_  
_i want all that is not mine _  
_i want him but we're not right _

**- smother, daughter**

* * *

She's a walking disaster-area, a human catastrophe, and she burns herself out a little more every day. She's a human mine, stepped on and destroyed, over and over again, until the sky is thick with ash and dirt and smoke.

You see, it's the brightest stars that go supernova, and Terra blazes brighter than anyone. Although supernovas are beautiful things, they're deadly and they strip the life out of anyone that comes too close to the explosion.

And now she's at a school dance, pressured by Amber to come, getting wicked drunk because that's what regular teenagers do-spike drinks, and get completely fucked with drugs and numb kisses.

She wishes she could remember the face of the boy currently plastered on her neck, but for a moment, let's just pretend he has emerald eyes that sparkle when he laughs and a fang that sticks out when he grins. And so Terra _shines_, but it's only because if she doesn't she'll shrink down into a deadly black hole, full of emptiness only.

When the boy meets her eyes, he gives her a hazy smile and kisses her roughly up against the wall. He breaks the kiss to look in his wallet, shuffling through the change until finally finding a small green packe-

"No." She tells him firmly.

He looks at her, with an arched brow and pink eyes. "C'mon, babe. Don't be like that." He reached out and caresses her cheek.

"Fuck off," she slaps his hand away, pushing herself off the wall and going to look for her bag. She thinks she hears "bitch", but she ignores it.

Dionne stops her midway to the main hall.

"What happened, Tara? Where the fuck are you going?"

"Home." An empty word, full of empty promises and empty disappointments.

Dionne yells in annoyance and leaves to find Amber. Terra continues walking. She finds a cigarette pack in her bag, only to find it empty, throwing it in the garbage bin nonchalantly. She never liked smoking anyway, it was just a habit she picked up "to reduce stress" as her friends suggested.

She slips off her black heels and lowers down her dress. Hooking the heels under her fingers, she pushes open the door of the gymnasium, leaving the pop music and drunk teenagers behind her.

But maybe, in another universe, she would find herself in a small cafe located outside of an amusement sitting next to a green teenager, eating pie, and talking, and laughing, and _living_.

And maybe, he would make her his and it's wrong, it's _ohso_wrong, because she's a star and stars belong to no-one. They're free and they burn brightest when there's nothing nearby to compete with and if anybody took any time to think about it they'd realize what a mistake it is to be a star at all, because whichever way stars go, black hole or supernova, they cause an awful lot of hurt when they do.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Because more Terra angst is always appreciated, right? (No.) The awesome image cover is by Rachel1466 on Deviantart!

_Please review!_ I NEED TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO LOVE TERRA.


	2. home

**Warning: **Very strong language and sex references.

* * *

_i don't stand a chance in these four walls,_  
_and he don't recognize me anymore_  
_burned out flames should never re-ignite_  
_but i thought you might_

**- home, daughter**

* * *

He finds her on his doorstep at five thirty in the morning, soaking wet and smelling of vodka. The sun is already beginning to peek over the sill of the dirty window at the end of the hall and it catches at strands of her hair.

Her heart's in her throat and the only thing that she can think of is throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him until his lips are bruised. She half-expects him to shut the door without another glance, but he puts his arm around her and brings her inside, silence piercing her ears.

He sits her down on his brown couch, and leaves to find her a blanket. Sapphire eyes meet emerald as he lowers himself down so they're level. They don't really need to say anything. Every few weeks, this would happen. She would have enough of Murakami and run away from Amber and Dionne, schoolwork, responsibilities, track meets and just show up. And he would be there, in his small flat with old DVDs and old coffee mugs, away from the Tower and away from _his_ responsibilities.

She looks at him now, wondering how he can even recognize her.

Because she really can't.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," he says, and of course that just makes Terra cry more because Beast Boy shouldn't be being kind to her, he should be avoiding her and fearing her because she has 'traitor' branded on her forehead or something now. But instead he lifts up the covers and snuggles down next to her and she takes a sharp intake of breath as puts his arms around her and for the first time in months she sleeps without a single dream.

And from that moment on, Terra starts using Beast Boy shamelessly as her own personal dreamcatcher. He probably has a girlfriend to get back to _but that hurts too much to think about so_ whatever but for as long as she can get him to she will sneak into his bed at night and curl up against the curve of his spine and feel the rise and fall of his breath and mimic it and nine minutes out of ten she doesn't think of anything at all.

"Thank you," she whispers to him at three AM one time, when she thinks he is asleep. She has her forehead against the base of his neck, breathing in his solidity and the reassuring familiar scent of him and feeling sleepy.

"You're welcome," he whispers back, and she starts slightly and then smiles and snuggles closer.

* * *

She has been awake for some time in his bed, her spine pressed against his, her blonde hair twisted between the pair of them as she watches the sun rise over his window sill.

"You should be here," Beast Boy says, startling her a little since she hadn't been aware he was awake. "Always."

"I want to," she answers automatically, because that is her go-to when he suggests she stays, "I will. I will. As soon as I graduate."

He kisses her shoulder.

"I'm scared," she admits. "All of the time."

"Scared of what?"

"I don't really know," she says with an air of revelation, because actually she doesn't exactly – she's _so__ scared_ but of what, of what, "Could be… I think a lot of things. I'm scared that there are more men like him. I'm scared he's not actually dead and he'll come back. I'm scared of my thoughts-"

He doesn't have the heart to tell her that he's not really gone, and so he kisses her.

* * *

They lie side-by-side on his bed an indefinite amount of time later and her ribs are rising and falling with her breaths. She has replaced her underwear and bra and that slutty dress of Amber's and Beast Boy is back in his trousers but they are naked to each other, now, in every sense other than the physical one.

"Are you still scared?" he asks finally, his voice too loud in the small room.

"No," she replies with a slight air of surprise, as though she hadn't been expecting that, "I feel…" she trails off because she don't know what she feels. She is still scared and confused and lonely but knowing that Beast boy is close enough that she could twitch her little finger and touch his makes her feel calm, somehow.

"I'm sorry I did this to you," she ventures after another long silence. He turns his head to look at her, and she finds him staring down at her with an infinite amount of _something_ in his eyes.

"You didn't. Slade did," he corrects her, and watches her wince at his name.

There's another long silence, but this one isn't as hard as the last one.

"Do you – do you think we'll ever go back to normal again?" he asks her.

She considers that for so long that he is nearly asleep by the time she finally replies.

"No," she says, voice gaining confidence as she accepts her own conclusion, "We're totally fucked up. But don't panic," she reassures him hastily, rolling onto her side to press up against him, putting her lips to the delicate green shell of his ear and tracing her fingers against his arm, "We've got lots of practice at it. We'll survive."

"Survive," he repeats, his head flopping back to stare blankly up at the ceiling, a slight smile curving his lips upwards at one side, "I suppose that's something at least."

"Yes," she replies on a gentle exhale, pressing a kiss to the shifting line of his jaw, "That's something at least."

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**Author's Note: **You didn't think I would leave you with no BBTerra, did you?

Anyway, pleasepleaseplease review. It means more than you know.


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